Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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