Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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