eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
