I'm gonna have a badass scar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
