I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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