Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
