I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
