saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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