five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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