you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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