Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
