I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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