just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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