he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
