haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
