hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
