a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
