What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
