woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
