we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
