I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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