My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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