She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
