Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
