No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
