all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
