Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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