Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
