Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
