Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
