she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
