eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
