great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
