Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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