in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
