I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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