you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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