Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
