I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
