...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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