Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
