I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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