1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
