im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
