They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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