She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
