So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
