I think I died a long time ago.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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