dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
