Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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