is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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