you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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