Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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