fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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