i think i have herpe
just one?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
