i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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