You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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