sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize