I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
