Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do vagina's smell?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
