sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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