Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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