I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
