I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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