His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
