Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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