I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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