oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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