marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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