She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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