Please, let me fuck your mom
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
last night I used snow as a chaser
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