So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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