Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
