I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
