My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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