you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize