she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
