So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
