For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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