i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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