Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
