Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
