Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3198) Bad night (897)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.

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  (480): With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality. http://tfl.nu/1pex
  Replies (17) Good night (792) Bad night (5311)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.

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  (301): Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable. (201): I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around. http://tfl.nu/syx6
  Replies (44) Good night (4230) Bad night (733)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

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  (248): i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding. http://tfl.nu/2d2l
  Replies (35) Good night (1606) Bad night (6571)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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  (401): So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch" (401): So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim." (1-401): Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor. http://tfl.nu/7e2l
  Replies (26) Good night (2918) Bad night (1018)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation

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  (717): this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation http://tfl.nu/knkc
  Replies (12) Good night (2435) Bad night (3181)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in

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  (917): she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in http://tfl.nu/g0n5
  Replies (12) Good night (3335) Bad night (1189)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career

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  (416): Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career http://tfl.nu/ywum
  Replies (5) Good night (2760) Bad night (1114)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  "Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.

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  (770): "Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea. http://tfl.nu/i0ux
  Replies (10) Good night (2979) Bad night (1209)
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  (310): View more from California

  She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me

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  (310): She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me http://tfl.nu/yht9
  Replies (7) Good night (3435) Bad night (857)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.

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  (715): How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it. http://tfl.nu/19iz
  Replies (13) Good night (657) Bad night (1731)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat

  (614): View more from Ohio

  repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES

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  (614): my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat (614): repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES http://tfl.nu/9vr3
  Replies (6) Good night (1891) Bad night (694)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.

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  (260): The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible. http://tfl.nu/nj7i
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (750)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?

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  (617): A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck? http://tfl.nu/zk7d
  Replies (13) Good night (3675) Bad night (738)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  ..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

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  (612): ..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO! http://tfl.nu/1dq3
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (256)

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