Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me

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(208): He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me http://tfl.nu/1pq8

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one

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(405): so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one http://tfl.nu/mfz0

Replies (46) Good night (1043) Bad night (5133)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(

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(303): I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :( http://tfl.nu/s6q5

Replies (54) Good night (834) Bad night (17244)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

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(412): Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? http://tfl.nu/it9b

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

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(978): Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times http://tfl.nu/be2v

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(720): View more from Colorado

When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.

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(720): When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail. http://tfl.nu/a5d0

Replies (13) Good night (1101) Bad night (4245)
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(516): View more from New York

Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"

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(516): Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering" http://tfl.nu/dwjq

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(818): View more from California

The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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(818): The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs. http://tfl.nu/zk5x

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(410): View more from Maryland

I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them

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(410): I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them http://tfl.nu/t6zs

Replies (1) Good night (973) Bad night (1875)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

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(832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv

Replies (25) Good night (5733) Bad night (1547)
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(817): View more from Texas

No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

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(817): No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds. http://tfl.nu/9tr4

Replies (11) Good night (2466) Bad night (751)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot

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(228): I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot http://tfl.nu/chtf

Replies (1) Good night (1051) Bad night (889)
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(209): View more from California

I will pee on everything he values.

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(209): I will pee on everything he values. http://tfl.nu/vmpd

Replies (8) Good night (1380) Bad night (737)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs

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(919): to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs http://tfl.nu/1k80

Replies (7) Good night (553) Bad night (339)
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(339): View more from Massachusetts

It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar

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(339): It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar http://tfl.nu/fowx

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