come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
