RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?