So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men