Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening