Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
