My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
