I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
